The Divorce Support Center

Every person is unique, but when you face a challenge like divorce, you are never alone. Countless men, women, and children have faced exactly the same experience and have survived and thrived. The following guide is designed to help you navigate your journey with the best information and resources that have helped other survivors when they faced the same challenge.

TSC has scoured the Web to assemble links to the very best divorce resources: articles, blogs, forums, and tools that can help you make better decisions and take action to overcome the range of emotiona, financial, and other challenges you're facing right now.

As you’ll see, we always welcome your ideas and suggestions to make this divorce guide even more helpful to survivors like you.

Just Found Out

Survivors Say: The Best Resources for Divorce

• Dummies.com - Understanding the Basics of Divorce Law
• Divorce360.com
  
• Kidshealth.org: Helping Your Child Through a Divorce 

The Big Picture

Are you just starting to consider marriage counseling or a separation, or have you already decided to split up? These resources can help you at various stages of the process:

• Talkaboutmarriage.com: Considering Divorce or Separation (forums)
• Mayoclinic.com: Marriage Counseling - Working Through Relationship Problems
• eHow.com: How to Separate in a Marriage
• Divorce360.com: Beginning the Process

Your Divorce

What are the most common reasons people get divorced? This page explains more:

Buzzle.com - Common Causes and Reasons for Divorce

Divorce laws about property division, child custody and visitation, spousal support (alimony), and more can vary from state to state -- find out your rights  where you live:

Divorcesource.com: State Divorce Laws

Your World

If you're a parent, helping your children through the divorce -- and working out custody, visitation, and support arrangements with your former spouse -- will be among the most difficult parts of this change in your lives. Here's help to make the road a little easier:

• Mayoclinic.com: Helping Children Survive Divorce
• American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry: Facts for Families - Children and Divorce 
• Medem/American Academy of Pediatrics: Divorce - Helping Children Adjust
• Kidshealth.org: When Your Parents Fight (for kids)
• Kidshealth.org: Dealing with Divorce (for teens)
• Kidshealth.org: Tips for Divorcing Parents

Divorce Myths

• "Second marriages are more successful than first marriages."
• "Men are more likely to cheat on their wives."
• "When parents don't get along it's better for the kids if they just divorce."

Information and Recommended Links for Survivors

Survivors say these are the best guides as you go through the process of getting a divorce; check them out to learn more about your options:

• eHow.com: How to Find a Divorce Lawyer
• Divorceinfo.com: Divorce Mediation
• Divorce360.com: Process Checklist - Moving Through the Courts
• Divorce360.com: Divorce Law - Helping Your Divorce Attorney

Creating a Support Circle

• Set up a TSC survivor profile.
• Create or join a support group, online or in person.
• Share updates on how you're doing with other survivors and co-survivors.

Insurance, Work and Money Matters

Your divorce will have a big impact on all aspects of your life, including your finances and work, and possibly your health and other insurance coverage. Here are some sources to help you understand how to manage these parts of your life now:

• Divorce360.com: Divorce and Taxes
• Divorce360.com: Costs of Divorce
• Divorcenet.com: Health Insurance and Divorce
• Insure.com: How Divorce Affects Your Health Insurance
• DivorceandChildren.com: Dealing with the Stress of Divorce at Work
• iVillage.com: Going Back to Work After a Divorce
  
• BusinessWeek.com - Keeping Your Business Alive During a Divorce

Professionals Who Can Help

If you are going through a divorce, you will almost certainly need a divorce lawyer who can protect your interests. Some couples use a mediator to decide the terms of their separation agreement and/or their divorce. Even if your divorce is amicable, there may be issues that you and your partner will have difficulty resolving without the help of an objective person. Psychological counseling may help now too, whether together as a couple to try to save your marriage, if that's still a possibility, or individually. Divorce is a traumatic, highly stressful crisis in anyone's life and the right therapist can be extremely helpful for you and/or your children.

How to Find Professionals

• eHow.com: How to Find a Divorce Lawyer
• Divorcepeers.com: Counselors
• American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy Therapist Locator - Family and Child Therapists

The Emotional Rollercoaster

When you go through a divorce, you are bound to experience a wide variety of emotions. You can draw strength from your support circle now, and also from the stories of survivors who have come before you. Here's help weathering the emotional storm of divorce:

• About.com: Divorce Support - Coping
• Womansdivorce.com: Emotions and Divorce
• Dadsdivorce.com
• Firstwivesworld.com
• Divorce360.com Community

Books Survivors Recommend

• Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends by Bruce Fisher
• Crazy Time: Surviving Divorce and Building a New Life by Abigail Trafford
• Chicken Soup for the Soul: Divorce and Recovery: 101 Stories about Surviving and Thriving after Divorce by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen and Patty Hansen

What Survivors Wish They'd Known

Communicating with Your Divorce Professionals

• With Your Lawyer: Be very clear about your needs and expectations. Be prepared to calmly listen and take in advice. Remember that your lawyer is very experienced and is working for you. But if you don't feel you can communicate well with your attorney, it may be time to find someone else.
• With Your Therapist: Share your feelings about your relationship, even those that you may be hard to talk about. A good therapist is there to help you work through your issues, not to judge you.
• With Your Children's Therapist: Don't pressure your children or their therapist to share with you what they've discussed.

Information for Co-Survivors

How You Can Help

• Offer to help out with daily activities. Couples often split responsibilities and a newly single person may feel overwhelmed trying to take care of things on their own. 
• Let your surivivor know you're there for them and not judging them.
• When your lovedone is ready, help them move forward and begin planning for the future.

 What to Say

• "I know this is a difficult time for you; I will help out any way I can."
• "If you like, I can help you find a good divorce attorney."
• "You will get through this."

What Not to Say

• "Haven't you thought about your children?"
• "She's/He's going to get everything."
• "You can't give up on your marriage."

Things You Can Do for a Survivor Every day

• Give them a call. or drop an email to let them know you are thinking of them.
• Help out with daily tasks.
• Research resources that might help.

How to Build a Support Network

• Set up your TSC co-survivor profile.
• Create a support group for your friend or family member.
• Interact and provide updates on how your loved one is doing.

How to Help a Survivor deal with Day-to-Day Challenges

• Work/School - If you are a co-worker or classmate of a divorce survivor, don't treat them the same way you always have. As long as you let them know you are available, they will talk to you about their situation when they are ready.
• Family - If a family member is going through a divorce, they may feel embarrassed about discussing it. Let them know that you do not judge them and are only there to give support.

Getting over a divorce isn't easy, and it usually takes a long time, but plenty of people have done it, and now you are one of them! As you move into this new phase of your life surround yourself with positive influences and take time to enjoy yourself with friends and family. Continue to focus on moving forward, and you can use lessons of the past to build a wonderful future, maybe with someone else or maybe on your own:

• About.com: Dating After Divorce
• Coparenting101.org
• Divorce360.com: 9 Parenting Mistakes After Divorce
• About.com: Divorce Support - How to adjust to being single again
• Newlifeafterdivorce.com: Is there life after divorce?
• The Men's Place: Dating After Divorce When You Have Children
• Divorce360.com: Remarriage

Give Back

Once you have gone through a divorce and come out the other side, you can help others by sharing your story. You have a lot to offer someone who is at the beginning of their own separation or divorce, and this is the best way to pay back someone who's helped you.