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August 4, 2011

Divorce is very difficult especially when we did not want the marriage to break apart. I believed I was going to be married forever. But, sometimes life throws a curve at you and you have no choice but to make it on your own. There is a terrible stigma that comes along with divorce. Society has us believing that being "alone" is a bad thing. Yes you are alone for now. And it’s okay! You shared a life and a home with someone and you have to reevaluate yourself, your interests and your time. Whether or not you have children, there is still a feeling of loneliness at the end of the day. Let’s turn this into a positive. Take a breath and get excited to explore what you can enjoy again as an individual.

Pick 3 things you used to do that you put to the wayside when you got married. Is it the gym, hiking, pottery or golf? Maybe you had no definitive hobby but now you have extra time to enjoy one of life’s many activities. Evaluate some of the alone time you got back since the marriage and boost your spirits with some summer activity.

Enjoy your time, embrace it! Celebrate the fact that you can independently get on the couch, read mindless magazines, watch stupid reality shows or the most profound documentaries ever broadcasted. The beauty of it is, you are free to do what you want and make your own choices. No one expects you to solve your problems and get back to "good" the second you step out of the courtroom. Take one day at a time and slowly reevaluate what will make you happy each day.

The important thing to ask is Who are you now? Who are you in 2011? I personally am not the same woman I was when I got married in my twenties. And life was not the same as it was when I was in my twenties. I do not believe we as human beings ever really significantly change but it is necessary to find a brand new you in this life, at this day in age. The old you was single, young, maybe not making a good salary. You were a completely different person. Find the new you now! Let’s face it, the old me did not have a cell phone yet, did not text or email and had no money to enjoy hobbies that I can enjoy now, such as golf, travel and delicious dinners. So now is the time to reinvent you.

What exactly is a club? Wikipedia defines the world club as "an association of two or more people united by a common interest or goal. A service club, for example, exists for voluntary or charitable activities; there are clubs devoted to hobbies and sports, social activities clubs, political and religious clubs, and so forth." Personal clubs and Hobby groups are clubs with more than one person who enjoy a particular hobby, interest or activity. I personally belong to a beach club every summer. All us members do is sit in the sun, swim, read and worship the dog days of summer. With SPF sun block of course! This may sound like a terrible activity to some people. That is fine. I personally enjoy it and I personally spend all of my free time there and it makes me happy!

Become a member of The Survivors Club.

It’s time to design your own club and bring back some summer fun that you have missed out on for years. Take the time to enjoy them and enjoy "you" again. When you are ready to invite others to join, by all means the more the merrier! And yes, when you are feeling whole and balanced again and enjoying yourself, you will let someone in. Ultimately we want to find someone to enjoy these things with and you will. But when a significant other is not around, you now are comfortable and independent to occupy your own time.

Here are some great ideas for Club "Me":

• Hiking
• Walking
• Watching the Sunset
• Reading a great book on the beach
• Golfing
• Kayaking

Or how about this … sitting home, relaxing and doing nothing! The sky’s the limit!!!!!

When you start feeling comfortable with being alone every day and enjoying yourself again you will have an exhilarating sense of happiness that will boost your spirits and make you feel alive again! Divorce is really unfortunate no matter what the circumstances are. Trust me I know. When other divorcees complain to me about being alone and pull the "woe is me act" I say, "buck up and join the club!"

Antonia Ragozzino is the fresh new author of the first published book of the "Taking Out The Trash" tales series. She is a professional writer, a developmental skills trainer for a large media company, as well as an adjunct professor for a Connecticut University. Antonia resides in New Haven, Connecticut. www.takingoutthetrashbook.com

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