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September 8, 2010

Now that school year has begun, your child will likely be returning to an environment where 1 out of 4 students is bullied each month.

Bullying, which comes in various forms, can be extremely detrimental to your child's education. If your child doesn't feel safe at school, he or she will be less likely to learn in the environment. Shocking statistics show that 77 percent of students are bullied physically, mentally or verbally in their lifetime.

Kevin Jennings, the Assistant Deputy Secretary of Education Office of Safe and Drug-Free Schools spoke to the government website Stop Bullying Now!. He says that while policies are changing to incorporate more school-wide rules and sanctions by setting climate standards that address school culture, bullies still haunt the hallways at school by dispersing "verbal threats, hate language, bullying, and social rejection."

To help control the bullying epidemic, teachers are undergoing more training on issues like behavioral and classroom management, and more skills are being brought into the schools and classrooms for conflict resolution and youth leadership activities.

Even still, traditional bullying no longer covers the extent of the abuse. Now bullies have gone to the web to attack their victims who can no longer find peace even in their home. This new and invasive form of bullying is known as cyber bullying.

The Survivors Club has sought out common questions about bullying in schools, and how you can help your child face them at school:

Why do some kids bully?

Any kid can become a bully, and many factors contribute to bullying behavior. Some kids see others doing it and imitate them. This might allow them fit in or hang out with a certain group of friends and therefore be more popular. Bullying can make the bully feel stronger, smarter, or better than their victim. The child may also be bullying to put up a front, so other people will stop bullying him or her.

Although each bully is different and the scenario is unique to each child, bullies often share the following common characteristics:

• Impulsive, hot-headed, dominant
• Easily frustrated
• Lack empathy
• Have difficulty following rules
• View violence in a positive way
• Boys who bully tend to be physically stronger than their peers

Bullies are also commonly victims of physical abuse or bullying themselves. They might also be emotionally unstable. They could use bullying to mask their depression. They also could have anger problems or be upset about something at home.

Signs Your Child Is Vulnerable to Bullying

Bullies target individuals that seem like easy targets. They are seeking a reaction to feed their psychological need. Bullies pick on individuals that seem passive, easily intimidated or have few friends. More commonly with boys, the target may be smaller or younger, than the bully.

These following are common signs that your child is being bullied:

• Your child has torn, damaged or missing clothing, books or belongings
• Your child has nexplained bruises, cuts or scratches
• He or she is afraid of school, walking to and from school, riding the bus, or participating in organized activities with peers
• She or he appears sad, moody, teary and/or depressed when he/she comes home
• Your child appears anxious or has low self-esteem

How To Support Your Child

If you suspect that your child has been bullied, support him or her by telling your child that it was the right thing to do to tell you. Focus on your child's well-being, be supportive and gather information about the bullying incident. Tell your child about your concern and ask questions. Make sure they know that telling you this information is safe. They may fear retaliation from the bully, so remain calm and reassuring.

Ask your child what they think should be done. Has anything been tried? If so did it work at all? Help your child to practice what to say to a bully. Also encourage your child to spend time with friends that appreciate his or her company and are safe for your child.

Martial arts instructor and teacher of an anti-bullying seminar, Keith Copeland, teaches children in Michigan to stop seeing themselves as victims of bullying. Copeland argues that confidence is more important in warding off bullies than fighting back. Therefore building a strong self-image will help against bullies rather than throwing up his or her hands to fight.

Your next step as a parent is to contact your child's teacher or principal because they may have a better understanding of the relationship between your student and the bully in the school environment. Ask the teacher to talk to other adults that work with your child and see if they have witnessed any bullying at school.

If your child is being bullied, take quick action - do NOT hesitate.

What's The Worst That Can Happen?

While we all want to teach our children to overcome obstacles, it's important to remember that bullying can have very serious consequences. Sometimes bullying can even cause lethal violence. In one disastrous case, two Massachusetts students committed suicide following relentless bullying from some of their peers, reports Wicked Local, a Massachusetts news source. In the wake of their passing, stricter anti-bullying laws have been placed on the state that requires all schools to report instances of bullying to all parents and in some cases, to the police. School districts are also expected to submit a revised bullying prevention plan by the end of 2010.

What is Cyber Bullying?

Sadly, victims of bullying are increasingly unable to escape the torture, and can't even find solace at home. With the reach of bullying now extended into the digital realm, bullies can harass people remotely.

Cyber bullying includes:

• Sending mean, vulgar or threatening messages or images
• Posting sensitive, private info and/or lies about another person
• Pretending to be someone else to make that person look bad
• Intentionally excluding someone from an online group

These forms of bullying are available through emails, instant messaging, texting on the cellphone, social networking sites, web pages, blogs, chat rooms, and discussion groups/forums.

If your child is being cyber bullied, you can help prevent it from continuing. Make an agreement with your child to keep any device with internet outside of their bedroom. Ask them regularly about their online activity. Even talk to them about cyber bullying, and reassure that they can tell you immediately if they are being bullied.

In some cases, bullying can be considered a crime. If it escalates into threats of violence, extortion, obscene or harassing comments, sexual exploitation, or taking photos where someone would expect privacy, then you may take legal action by calling the police.

For more information on preventing and handling bullies, go to StopBullyingNow or Education.com.

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