TSC's Holiday Survival Guide: Surviving Family During the Holidays

Surviving Family During the Holidays

surviving family, during the holidays The holidays are often a time for large family gatherings where we find a year's worth of family time squeezed into one or two days. But families aren't always as compatible as gravy and stuffing -- so The Survivors Club asked Amy Klein, a psychotherapist with 15 years experience working with families, for some tips on how to deal with difficult family situations during the holidays. If you experience consistent criticism, clash with your in-laws or face rude guests, these tips can help you survive your family gathering.

How to Face Critical Relatives

surviving family, during the holidays, critical relatives, criticism, know what's best Are criticism or snide remarks an integral part of your holiday gathering? If so, expect these comments ahead of time. Mentally compile a checklist of things your family dissaproves of and prepare a matter-of-fact response to expected criticisms so you won't be taken off guard. Because the critical relative may feel safe in the holiday environment, when approached, remain confident and keep eye contact to show that you are prepared to respond intelligently. If a question is embarrassing, respond with another question to avoid the pain of answering with an insult to yourself. You can also seek out those that are critical of you and approach them with friendly conversation before they have the chance to take you off guard.

Introducing New Spouses Or Partners

surviving family, during the holidays, welcoming new guests, partners, spouses During appetizers, or at the dinner table, the host of a new guest can make a toast to introduce and welcome all the "new" family members including in-laws and those who may have traveled a distance. By welcoming them to the holiday gathering, these guests can relax and comfortably get to know the family. In addition, it is important that everyone knows each other at the table, so re-introductions may be necessary for distant family members. Because stress runs high during the holidays, it is critical to try to remain open to new people and often a non-controversial or calm conversation helps.

Survive Difficult In-Laws by Creating a Rescue Plan

surviving family during the holidays, difficult, in-laws When it comes to in-laws, it is important for both partners or hosts to be on the same page. Have a discussion prior to the in-laws' visit if they present difficulty for one partner. Partners should also create a "rescue signal" to let the other know when they've hit a limit. If you are having trouble dealing with in-laws, it might help to use humor, and keep your perspective that this is only one day out of the year. If one person grinds your nerves, stay away from them and focus on those people at the gathering that make you feel good.

Mediating Argumentative Relatives

surviving family, combative relatives, fighting, arguments If two relatives share a history of arguing, try to keep them apart at the dinner table and in other situations. If things feel like they're escalating in terms of arguing, a mediator can step in and say something like, "OK, guys, time out. Let's pick this up another day. We're hear to enjoy." There are many other days in the year where families can argue, and this can be pointed out in a non-confrontational way if an argument breaks out. If the problem escalates, bring them into separate rooms to calm down. Remind yourself to slow down and try to enjoy the day and encourage others to as well.

When Alcohol Becomes an Issue at Holiday Parties

alcohol problems, surviving family, alcoholics It seems the holidays give people license to drink excessively. Sometimes this can wreak havoc on the family setting, and this behavior often offends or embarrasses other people. In this situation, if there is a known person who often drinks too much, limit the amount of alcohol that is out in plain view. Pour wine by the glass instead of having open bottles sitting on the table. Serve other yummy holiday drinks without alcohol as well and clear away alcohol after the meal -- it's coffee and dessert time! If somebody gets really drunk year after year, have a discussion prior to the gathering, so it's not ruined for everyone.

Handling Late or Inconsiderate Guests

surviving family during the holidays, late, inconsiderate guests When hosting the family gathering, schedule the day clearly and inform your guests of the events. If your family gathering is large, perhaps even posting a festive and fun schedule could help guests stay on track. Begin the party more than an hour before dinner will be served and tell guests a precise time they are expected to be at the table. This gives everyone a window of time to arrive and the understanding that if they want to eat, they should be there on time. If a family member is chronically late, ask them to confirm what time they will arrive. You can give them a 15 or 30 minute grace period too. If they still haven't arrived after you have kindly waited, continue on with dinner as planned.

Keeping Overnight Guests on Schedule

surviving family during the holidays, house guests, overnight When you invite guests to stay overnight after a holiday gathering, whether it is just for the night or the whole weekend, provide them with a timetable before they arrive. Distinguish a block of time that you expect guests to arrive within and clearly and confidently state when they are expected to exit. Be polite. You can enforce their exit by planning something with your partner in which you will have to leave the house. If a guests seems glued to your couch, stand firm. Kindly let them know that the event is over, you enjoyed their company, and that you will see them next year.