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September 28, 2010

Men constituted an astounding 82% of the more than 8 million jobs lost during the recession, allowing many father to stay home and take care of the kids.

When Paul Ikonen lost his job in 2009 as a church youth director, he decided to stay home with his newborn son. This decision was based on economic survival, and the fact that his wife had a stable job with a good income.

The number of stay-at-home dads has increased 38% in the last three years, and according to the same 2009 Census estimates, more than 158,000 men are now recognized as stay-at-home dads. These numbers do not include men who work part-time or who are looking for work.

Because the recession hit the male-dominated fields the hardest and women now hold more economic power than ever, the shift in the caretaker role makes sense.

John Amicucci became a stay-at-home dad when his daughter was diagnosed with a degenerative eye condition. His wife, a chief physician extender of the emergency center at a local hospital out-earned her husband, so the decision who stayed home was clear from an monetary standpoint.

"In this economic climate with people losing their jobs, losing their homes, with foreclosures out of control, people need to understand the family unit is different than it was in 1960 or 1970," Amicucci told Free Press. "You're doing what you need to do to make your family whole, to run properly and to make sure kids have a place to come home to and feel secure.

"Whether it is the mother or the father, it's just important that it gets done."

Amicucci cooks, does most of the housecleaning and coordinates the family's busy schedules.

"We now have decades worth of voluntary stay-at-home dads," says Jeremy Adam Smith, author of The Daddy Shift: How Stay-at-Home Dads, Breadwinning Moms, and Shared Parenting Are Transforming the American Family.

"The message to this new wave of suddenly unemployed fathers is that you still have something to contribute to your family. It's a pathway men can step into that they didn't have before."

Many stay-at-home dads struggle with the stereotypes that men must work long hours and provide for their family and that women are the caretakers. For men who grew up with these roles in their household, becoming a stay-at-home dad can be a challenge.

Paul Ikonen works part time because he wants to feel like he is helping provide.

"I think for our marriage, we grew up knowing that the husband is supposed to provide," Ikonen said. "He's supposed to go out and work all the hours. That's certainly how my parents were, and that's how (my wife) Janelle's parents were. . . That's kind of the model we've been given. And it seems like that is the best-case scenario."

However, some dads are making the most of their time home.

Chris Singer, 38, and his wife decided before childbirth that one parent would be with the kids as they grew. When Singer's job as communications director for a non-profit ended 3 months before his daughter's birth, the decision of who would stay home was clear.

Singer loves the opportunity to spend quality time with his daughter and admits that his wife may even be a little envious.

In December 2009, Singer started a blog called "SAHD In Lansing" that reaches out to other dads in the same situation. In response he met a stay-at-home dad from Portland, and the two began a popular online radio show called "Band of SAHD" in which they discuss life as stay-at-home dads and other important parental issues.

Although it is optimistic that dads have been able to adapt so fruitfully at home, when the economy picks back up things might change.

"I think my wife accepted her role the same way I would if I was in her position," Singer said. "But there will be a time when our roles will switch again."

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