Coping with Coming Out
Your Guide to Coping with Coming Out
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Most gay and lesbian people know from a very early age that they do not fall within gender stereotypes and their ideas of what is attractive in a mate are not in line with what many expect. When a son, daughter, sibling or friend chooses to tell you that they are gay or lesbian, they are telling you something they may have kept hidden for decades. They are telling you something they do not feel they have to hide anymore.Even though it is something your loved one wants you to know, expressing a sexuality that is different from the rest of his or her family and friends is very difficult. There are many different ways to deal with the process of coming out-whether you are coming out or a loved one. Creating a support circle is a great way to start, whether it be online or in person. There are many people out there who have gone and are going through a similar experience.Along with personal well-being, there are issues like marriage, family, work and insurance that also need to be considered. The Survivors Club has many resources to help you learn more.These are things to keep in mind when communicating with a friend or family member who has come out:
- They are the same people you've always loved. Learning that they are gay or lesbian may explain some events from the past, or enlighten you as to sources of past miscommunication or frustration, but you aren't dealing with an alien life form or a person you know nothing about. You're dealing with a person who, like everyone, has a private life you don't know everything about.
- Asking a gay or lesbian person not to come out is like asking them to pretend they never grew up. It is not that being gay or lesbian is the only thing that is important to them. It is that they, like everyone else, have a right to build relationships with consenting adults that are based on their true sexual identity. Allowing them the freedom to do that is just allowing them to be like everyone else.
- Supporting your gay or lesbian teen that has chosen to come out is the smartest thing you can do. They've chosen to be honest, straight forward, and rather courageous in letting you know what they believe is true about themselves. As a parent, you may wonder if they are correct about themselves. You may have concerns about the difficult road some gay and lesbian people find themselves on. But supporting a kid who is being honest and communicative is the best way to ensure they will feel comfortable coming to you in the future.
